People and this world.

As usual, a completely spontaneous title for what ever is 'running' through my head at present. I must be honest in the fact that my thoughts are now faster than my body can handle; I am sure that I am not alone in this circumstance.

I am beginning to learn something on formatting, and have to say it is quite interesting and I will put my 'All' into this strange new medium, which quite frankly will never, ever match the human hand or eye.

So as I write within constriction, which strangely enough was my fleeting moment of a title, I feel as constricted as you could possibly be.

You have to have a 'mind-set' to remotely write in this way and I have so discovered that it is utterly alien in every way possible to 'real' writing ; if someone has that gift, then please allow them to use it properly.

I very hope this Christmas that my gifts are lots of pens and paper. Now that would truly make me smile. :-))

Christmas

How fast Christmas is approaching which takes me back to my early childhood memories and expectations. Oh to be a child again , to feel that total excitement ; I shall never forget.

I could never sleep on Christmas Eve, well some things have never changed  except it doesn't have to be Christmas Eve any more.

I loved my Christmas stocking ; always there was a book or two in it,  a tangerine and apple at the bottom of it and a coin. I used to eat the tangerine and lose the apple. Lol. There was always something I loved, usually crayons, or felt tip pens and things I could be creative with, including " Fuzzy felts", which I loved as I could use my own imagination. Also, I loved "plasticine" and used to create the dolls you would have with a proper "dolls house" and all the furniture. That was fun.:-).

We always got a "big" present too, usually only one though, and I remember being confused one year when I got two. I can't remember what age I was, but definitely less than eleven years old. I was given a large doll and a space hopper. I remember wondering why, but it was later explained that my brother was given a bike. I have since realised as I matured, that my mother is a great believer in equality, so we all had to get roughly the same, even though it wasn't. I can't even remember what my little brother got. My mum was not the one in control of the money.  The funny thing is, I couldn't have cared less, and I certainly wouldn't have had any idea about what a new bike cost, or a space hopper ; I preferred my stocking anyway as I had so much more fun with that. :D.

I did go through a little bit of jealousy at one point, when I was a little older, and I still can't remember the time scales, but it was probably still in Primary school, where I only wanted this game called "Spyrograph" as I knew my friend had asked for it. My mum probably went to great pains to get it and I have no idea what it cost, but I remember the utter jealousy I felt when my friend got "Super Spyrograph. What a 'pratt' I was.

What I have done, is continue the tradition of the Christmas stocking which I found so much fun as a child. I always make one for Denzil and Rachel, and obviously since Sian arrived, for her; this year I will make Rachel's boyfriend one too, as he is totally part of the family. :-). It is all just silly things, but that is the fun.

Christmas is so much more exciting with a child; that is why it is so lovely to have a four year old granddaughter. I used to buy for my cats too, but basically, they are much happier with the "left-overs". :-)

To me , Christmas is about remembering people and giving small gifts to show you care, even if you cannot always be there. It shouldn't be all about stress and being "out of pocket" but sadly, that is the way it has become.

The concept of Time

Time: What does that actually mean? ; living on a medium of a "clock" containing twenty-four hours, sixty minutes to the hour, sixty seconds to the minute cannot possibly work for any natural rhythms and natural processes of life.

Every soul that inhabits this world will have a different " Body clock"  anyway, so why do we try to fit everybody into the same category?  ( If I actually knew how to move this bit of writing and attach it to the last bit, I would, but sadly I don't, so I won't.)

I will continue in this format as I have little choice at the moment , however wish I could just write with a beautiful pen, and good paper, but then I would not be able to communicate to anyone other than myself, so I feel it is worth persevering in this very "slow" way.

I have a massive fascination with Astrology, and though absolutely no knowledge of the subject, Astronomy too and very doubt from my extremely limited knowledge that our concept of time works anywhere else in the Universe.

For "long and weary", people ( mostly mothers I suspect, though times are changing) have tried to force their children to sleep at an "accepted" time but that does not always work. Routines are important but not all children can possibly act accordingly to what is required by their parents. I remain as I have always been, with my own natural time clock and all individuals will have their own internal one ; children are no different.

I am perfectly aware that to work together in a successful way in any society, requires a degree of "sameness" but I just don't think we are the same so this view will never fail to produce difficulties.

Once upon a time, I can't remember the details, I remember reading about an experiment where the individuals spent time in a room with no outside stimulus and the concept of our twenty-four hour clock lost all impetus. I wouldn't have wanted to be the person who experienced that, but "fair play" to them for their participation in this very interesting subject.

Anyway, as usual, I "prattle" on but I believe in the "natural" body clock. 

Nobody can live as another soul ; be yourself. :-)

My fourth cat Tikka.

Recently, my blogs have been mainly about mental health issues and my absolute desire to help anyone I can, but for now I wish to continue on my cat theme.

I started off at nine years of age with my beautiful brown Tabby, "Tiger", then had my two lovely black cats, and I am back to another brown Tabby.

"Tikka" got her name from a curry, as at that time I spent quite a lot of time dining in Indian restaurants and I basically just thought it was a nice name. :-). She later got renamed " The Wuzzle", but I can't for the life of me remember why. It wasn't me who renamed her.

Now, here was a cat with a "spitfire" character. She had a huge personality. Somewhere I have a photograph of her as a tiny kitten, walking on her hind legs with paws outstretched chasing a bit of string. What a cat! She was very playful, and in that 'female' cat way, but had all the personality of most of my female cats, just probably a little more exaggerated, of swinging a paw at anyone who displeased her. ( my male cats have tended to be a little more laid back.) :-). "Tikka" was a 'One and only' as all my cats were but I have a special fondness for Tabby cats, possibly as that was my first experience of that lovely bond.

I quickly learned to never leave my feet hanging out the bed as I have a tendency to do, as she thought it was a great 'game' to leap on them and bite them; probably why I always tuck my feet under the covers now. :-). She never quite had the soppy quality of some of my cats, but she was very loving.

" Tikka" arrived after I lost "Porta" and I just seem to be unable to be without cats. I just so love them and feel incomplete if they are not in my life. I chose her from a litter from a couple I knew at the time, and she didn't look like her mother ; there was something different about her, not really sure what it was, but I fell in love with her immediately. We still had "Cara", my brother's dog, and they adapted well to each other. It is untrue this myth that cats and dogs do not get on.

At the time of her arrival, we were staying at my mothers house but moved about two years after. We were still in the same village and it didn't seem to upset her too much, changing houses. In fact she still probably roamed the same area as we were literally only a street away from my childhood home.

She loved boxes, and to be honest, I had never had a cat that didn't love them but she liked to snuggle in them which is more of a trait that I have noticed in my female cats.

My lovely little "Wuzzle" even though I cannot remember why she got that name. I miss her, as I miss all of my cats.

Bad hearing and new introductions.

Sometimes I seriously think I am going mad, and actually, I hope I am not, and am sure I am not.

I do seem to muddle things up though, but am not sure how I actually managed to do this??

I have spent ages and ages trying to find a song I loved , Played at our wedding, and I adore it. Maybe I just have really bad hearing or something , in fact I don't know what is wrong with me to mix up "Bryan Adams" and "Ryan Adams" as I distinctly remember thinking that I really liked this artist and noting the difference. Maybe I am seriously going mad, (Joke),
Yes, I did like Bryan Adams, a lot actually, but I seem to be missing something.

Well anyway, perhaps my idiocy was so that I would be properly introduced to Ryan Adams music ; so often it works like that. :D.

Another post about twitter.

Here I go again. I appear to write completely random thoughts, although they never are, and all "one" must do is fathom what I am trying to say.

I wrote a post ages ago about twitter and the various aspects of it, and as I haven't looked back on it, I can't remember exactly what I said, but I think it was mainly positive.

My new post on this is also written on a positive note as I feel this site has offered such a potential for people to talk, connect and help each other, and that can only be a good thing. I met a lady who I now regard as one of my best friends , on here (twitter) and I have physically met her ; she is a lovely soul and but for this medium, I would not have known she existed. It is also true to say that I have connected with many beautiful people whom I have not physically met, but have talked to long enough to understand what they are all about ; so for that reason, I feel justified in speaking as I do.

Also, as I probably mentioned before, I have had a bad experience with "Twitter", where my account was interfered with in some way, and I nearly gave it all up but for my dear husband who convinced me to try again after severe paranoia , and I am glad I listened to him as by far, the positive aspects outweigh the negative ones.

I have befriended a teddy bear on twitter who is the most helpful and kind bear you could ever meet and has done so much to help others. "Twitter" has enabled him to do that and allowed others to respond and know they are not alone.

I will defend "Twitter" as a site and would be sad to lose it should it ever become obsolete. Many people have gained very much from it and as for the negative parts, nothing is perfect.

Nerves

Being nervous is a very unpleasant feeling and I suspect most of us have felt this at some point of our lives. It  can make you feel sick, not sleep and become very anxious.

This is an entirely natural way to be, and it is only when you can conquer your own fears and just 'do' what you really feel in your heart that anything begins to change.

I do not write in accepted language at times, but I do try to use English as a way to express what I want to say, and hopefully I do it well enough.

As a young girl, I used to feel absolutely awful in front of any sort of audience and in some ways, it has ruined some of my very childish dreams. It can take so little really to completely destroy your confidence.

However, this is not about me, though that experience, and a couple of others, has actually given me the confidence to encourage others.

I am a great believer in 'change', no matter how difficult it is, if you know in your heart it will make you happier. It is never easy, and now my title does come in to it's own as I can't imagine anything which would make you more nervous, however, I would still rather cope with any consequences of  'change' than ever again be under the control of anyone who ever forced me to perform.

I found the confidence as an adult to make my own decisions, at times against adversity, but my heart knew what was right. not all of it was easy, but never once have I doubted  the path I now walk.

Always in my 'self'', those old doubts will linger, and it has destroyed my musical confidence, but I am still "me" and it may come back.

Well yet again, I am inaccurate, as this has been actually totally about me. It is always interesting trying to use the medium of a computer with a cat's tail hanging over the screen. :-)

It is actually really hard to write about  confidence , or lack of it in others, as I am quite comfortable with the fact that I can speak openly about my feelings, but I have totally realised that many people cannot.

I find this an extremely odd way to write, to space things in a certain way, it blocks natural expression. However, if I was to truly write down what I really want to say, nobody would be able to read it as my hand writing is not very legible.

Well, back to 'nerves', or nervousness in any given situation. It really all depends on what you want, and what makes you happy. All people, ever in the public eye will feel this, it merely depends on whether you want this or not; I rather think I do not, but for those "Naturals", I would suggest, just do it. :-)

I will stay in the background and one day I might play a piano behind a curtain, like "the Wizard of
Oz." I could paint the scenery too. :D