Plans.

I have never in my whole life been a fan of planning anything. In my experience, plans never work out as you want them too, so you just end up disappointed after all the original stress of trying to make them work, for all involved in the first place! It all seems pretty pointless to me.

I am a naturally spontaneous person who likes to live for the moment, especially as you never quite know how you are going to feel at any given time.It may be extremely obvious that I also write my blogs in this way but this is just who I am and how I operate.

Actually, in the process of planning events, I usually know how they will transpire. I will wake up with a sore back, a road will be closed somewhere, we will get lost, no-one will agree on what they want to do, I will end up making the picnic, I will not have enough tea and so the list goes on. I should laugh really as it usually turns out fine and you enjoy it, it's just the planning of it I dislike.

I've never been into holidays where every day involves something you have to see or do. To me, a holiday means escaping your normal stresses, not having to do them in a different way. Maybe I am not a true traveller at heart.

I personally think that some of the best experiences of my life have been totally impromptu.they have certainly been my happiest ones.


I love seeing anything new, I love museums, I love live music, and I love isolated places of beauty. I just can't do it all at once.


For me, I work at my best when I just feel like doing something, whether it be playing piano, reading, using the computer or doing crosswords; I work with my mood at the time. That is a brief description of a few things I would choose. 


I have never really thought that my mum and myself were terribly similar, but we are in that way; she hated plans too. :-)

In my last blog, I wrote a brief comment on someone I very liked who passed over. Nobody could have planned for that to happen so why do we at all?

There is not one of us who can possibly know what is ahead, no matter how we try to work it out, and nobody loves analysis more than me. We just really don't know what will happen, so hence the pointlessness of plans.

However, I do appreciate that to function in this world, at times they are necessary, or maybe we would never do anything!. However, adaptation is a great skill and it's something worth remembering. :-)
 

Death

Today,I went to the  funeral of a very lovely person whom I knew for a long time. She was a beautiful person, in every sense of the word; I mean, absolutely beautiful as she had a heart of gold, like all her family.
        One of the saddest things about this is, is that people kind of "lose touch" to some extent and it's only when they pass over that you suddenly remember all the wonderful bits about them; they were never forgotten, merely life goes on with our own personal issues and we lose track of others.
What I will always remember about this absolutely beautiful soul is her determination, what a "laugh" she was, her loyalty to all, and how much she "Stood up for me" in the face of adversity;What an absolute "Gem" she was, and will always be, and I hope she knows I am saying this.


I aspire to people like her and those close whom I was privileged to be around. 
Many would say I should not write this, but I want to and I wish there were more people like her in this world; she wouldn't even have minded the mistakes in my writing; she was everything we should aspire to be;a true gem!


Rest in peace you lovely soul.  Fiona xxxxx 

Just thoughts

I just like writing what I feel at the time, so I will do so.

I have had both a frustrating and inspiring day. It started with my "Hoover", which technically is a vacuum cleaner but it will always be a "Hoover" to me as that was who made them when I was little. It wouldn't lift the various deposits on the carpet, the cat hair, the crisps, curtesy  of my gorgeous four year old granddaughter, the general mess that always ends up on a carpet or actually anything whatsoever. Well, I decided to take this "Hoover" to bits as I had gathered that the tube was blocked, and then I truly wished I had not bothered to do so.What a job this was! I had to remember where every screw was, to put it back together, thought I had actually managed to unblock the lower tube, but realised that was not the actual problem; the problem was in the other tube, the one that is supposed to be easy to remove but just isn't! My goodness, I could go on about this "Hoover" for ever but it really was extremely annoying and time consuming.

I gave up on the first episode of trying to fix it, but being the stubborn individual that I am, I had to try again, This time after eventually removing other hose and detecting blockage with the help of my husband. After him suggesting using his "stick", I finally dislodged the offending article which was a bit of cardboard that dust had gathered round, caused by my cats scraping boxes. All that for a bit of cardboard! The "Hoover" was nearly fired out the window, so short my patience was, yet I can have endless patience  for what I like.

Now I will get to the nice ending to this frustrating experience. I did eventually fix this annoying appliance and ended up having a very interesting (in twitter language), chat with the clever and I think, very talented @AndrewDBaird1. I have a huge interest in Astrology but I do not have the knowledge, though it is something you could forever study. I would like to learn more on "The houses", which I barely understand, I didn't quite get that far. I understand some of the aspects in Astrology, but it is a highly complicated subject and I massively want to learn more. Anyway, if anyone out there wants to learn more, I would recommend Andrew, as I just know he has complete instinct and knows what he is talking about. I will be ever fascinated on this whole subject.

From "Hoovers", which are "Vacuum cleaners" to Astrology, it has been an interesting day. :-)

Next cat

To continue on my cat theme, I am going to write about my beautiful little cat "Mo".

After the disappearance of my gorgeous "Tiger", whom I missed greatly, I heard of a litter of kittens from a friend. Her cat had had a litter of four kittens and "Mo" was the tiniest. She was absolutely lovely and I instantly fell in love with her. She was a black cat, quite similar to "Suzy" who I have now. However she had a completely different personality.

"Mo" was a tree climber from the beginning and I still laugh at the memory of her getting stuck up a tree as a kitten at my Granddad's, just before we were about to leave for the train. He had to get out a stepladder to rescue her, but I rather think she could quite easily have climbed down. I think she just liked his garden. :-). Anyway, we made the train in the end. She probably didn't want to go in the cat box. That's fair enough.

"Mo", like "Tiger",was a very affectionate little cat but didn't have "Tiger"s following me everywhere instincts. Maybe that's a Tabby trait which I will go into more detail later on my four Tabbies. She would curl herself around my neck when she wanted petted and had a very loud "purr".

She liked my mother's Copper Beech tree too and spent many an hour up there watching what ever she wanted to. The tree is now more mature (obviously) as it was just a young tree when my dad transplanted it from my Uncle's garden in Devon and now it is just lovely. Incidentally, when I was young and fit, I spent a bit of time up that tree myself so I can see the attraction of just being there. However, I don't suppose "Mo" wanted to read as I did. Lol.

I had "Mo" for five lovely years until she became a victim of traffic. It still makes me sad to remember but she had her freedom. Later I will write on why I have house cats now, but this is the first clue.

Cats

Since I was a tiny girl, I have always loved cats; actually all animals but especially cats. I grew up with a beautiful black Labrador called Honour who I adored , and in addition we got a lovely wee budgie called Dougie but I always wanted a cat.

When I was nine years old, my grandma took me to Gourock to stay with my aunt. One day whilst out playing I made friends with a lovely little cat and told my grandma about her. She was very thin, and incredibly hungry and as it turned out pregnant and very young. My grandma rescued her (both her and my aunt loved cats) and I wrote a begging letter to my dad asking if I may keep her. I didn't hold out much hope but amazingly he agreed . As we were going to Devon when I went home, my Grandma looked after "Judy" as I had now named her, while we were away. She so fell in love with her though, she couldn't bear to part with her. Instead, I was given a beautiful little tabby kitten whom I named "Tiger" and she became the "Joy of my life". :-).

"Tiger" was a beautiful female cat with a lot of love to give. ( And I still got to visit "Judy"). She used to follow me everywhere and literally did follow me to school a couple of times which was most amusing, to say the least. ( A bit like the nursery rhyme.."Mary had a little lamb".) I had four and a half lovely years with her, then she decided to share two different houses ;mine and that of a family who started feeding her and wouldn't stop doing so, even though asked politely not to. She was well fed and loved, but apparently she threatened the Bantam hens! Well that was their excuse.

This may sound hypocritical as we adopted "Judy" but my grandma did try to find out who she belonged to, and she was obviously starving, but these people knew she belonged to me. It got to the stage where I had to go and ask for my cat back everyday, but the lady continued to feed her. It still annoys me to this day.

Eventually I gave up, and told them just to keep her. Sadly, shortly after, she disappeared and I never found out what happened to her. I loved that little cat.

I have written so much on her, I will save what I write on all the lovely cats I have had and the beautiful two I have now,for another blog.

Happiness

My blogs recently seem to have been a little to serious so it's time to look at the other side of life.

To me, the whole happiness thing is about who you have around you and it's often just about simplicity. It's about being loved and returning that love. It really is that simple.

My personal happiness is all wrapped up in one sweet bundle called Denzil, Rachel, Sian, Weeboy and Suzy. :-). This is my own personal wee family and they give me great joy. This family will grow and already has with my introduction to my daughter's lovely boyfriend, some eight months ago. Jason is such a nice person and just feels like one of my family now. Of course, I have a far more extended family and love all of them too, but there is something terribly special about your own , closest ones. I don't think I have put this very well but I know what I mean. Incidentally, Wee boy and Suzy are my beautiful cats.

To add to this, where would I be without my friends? Old or new, they give me so much, whether it be reminiscing with my two best friends from primary one (forty five years ago, scary to think where time has gone) or walking with my friend of five years to Loch Lomond or visiting the lovely old lady who so warmly welcomed me when I moved here. Another new friend I met on twitter and was so pleased to meet her in real life. The lovely @KarensPix . I have lots of other lovely twitter friends too though haven't physically met them, but they brighten my day.

Happiness is seeing my two little nieces and granddaughter running around together, having a laugh about old times with my brothers, listening to classical music and remembering the past with my mum, laughing at my husband's banter with my dad.

It's easy to see all the negative sides of life at times, but it's equally easy to see the positive sides

As I said, when I decided to write my blog, I said it would be my thoughts and really just a diary of them which I have decided to share. My whole reasoning behind this is to try to help others but I'm not sure I have achieved what I wanted to do.

I was warned that I may be judged,disagreed with and many other things but I have always wanted to try to clear up many of the misconceptions of others, and this is my reason for continuing to write as I do.

This is also the reason that I write about myself, as it is a diary, and how else can I comment on anything unless I try to let you know something of myself.

It doesn't make me anything other than honest. I, no more than anyone else belong in any kind of box, may it be a pigeon hole or any other hole that no free creature should really be in.

Again, I am being honest, only because I intrinsically  feel it is wrong to trap anything or anybody but that is our way of being, unfortunately.

I am controversial, but not just for the sake of it, merely because I believe in everything .
I truly do.

I question myself massively, all the time and I am quite capable of writing this in a different form, but have personally chosen to use this one.

I still find writing massively restricted by this medium but I will persevere.

I knew before I started writing this that I would be immediately catagorised ( I am aware it is incorrectly spelt, but am not good at spell check) so I hope I get most of it right. Actually, I don't use it at all.

Diagnosis of anyone is a minefield and produces very much pain for an individual when completely wrongly done. On this I speak from experience and it is as my husband might say "too long and weary", an expression not from my area.

Regardless on how I am viewed for what I have decided to write, in my own way, I will continue my thoughts.

I am actually a very compassionate person who has only ever really wanted to ease suffering and pain and who is just a lot "worn out" and has a terribly sore back.

Also, if you look deep enough, I have a wicked sense of humour. :-)